Wednesday, 28 May 2008
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SAFETY AWARENESS
FUCK!
I got this in my work e mail today.
"Hi ColleaguesPlease be reminded of the Safety Awareness Training taking place today. If you have missed the last round of briefings in March, please attend later as this is mandatory under the new XXX Act. Attendance will be taken.
Can somebody please tell the bozo who sent me this email that safety is not mandatory for me, thank you very much. Why do you think I guzzle down a full mug of diesel oil every morning? I laugh in the face of safety, my friend, and I am aware that safety is no match for me. If 'safety' was a person, he'd look very much like the gawky kid in class as compared to the well-toned jock that is me. Safety is nothing. Safety is for pussies.
"
Still, I have thought of several questions I would like to ask during this so-called safety awareness training exercise later. They are as follows (In order of importance)
1) When a woman is choking on a chicken bone and turning blue, is it an OK time to grab her boob and run?
2) What are these tentacles growing out of my pee hole?
3) Is it normal to have sexual fantasies about the stapler on my desk?
4) Can you double my salary? Please.
5) Where do babies come from?
6) Why must babies be born?
7) Seriously, why must they be born?
Safety. Pfft. They don't call me MR. DANGER for nothing!
_____
I'm also a pretty tough guy.
Like just the other day, a girl scout came up to me trying to sell cookies. COOKIES! (The audacity of some people!).
To make matters worse, she was giving me some half-baked (oh a clever pun!) sod story about how the money will go to Charity - with a capital C.
Hey little girl scout, here's another word that starts with C - 'Cuck!" (Well, actually the word is 'Fuck' but I had to replace the first letter with a C to make this sentence sound witty.)
Here is how the conversation went:
GIRL SCOUT: Excuse me sir, would you like to buy some cookies? We're raising money for needy kids in school and like, helping dumb people and stuff.
ME: No.
And I walked off into the sunset, just like that.
Now, if that isn't tough, I don't know what is!
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Comments (16)
Babies are born so that baby haters have something to kill...like duh XD
Babies are born to create danger!
I fell in love with the stapler on my table
She broke my heart. So I wrote a poem about the stapler.
MY LOVE FOR A STAPLER
by Levan Wee
Love is fickle
Love is pure
Love is like a manicure
(It doesn't last for very long.)
The stapler, she tore me apart
Like a vampire
Draining blood from my heart
I thought we clicked
But it was only the sound she made
Now I'm left loveless and alone
Without nothing to do but to masturbate"
THE END
it's audacity not odescity.
You are right. Somebody fire me already!
Such audacity. I am a mother fucker
Poor girl scout loll
Fortunately there isn't any scout begging around my city ='D
Go to Belgium, you'll be happy to see bunch of scouts XD
lol i found that post really hilarious.
"1) When a woman is choking on a chicken bone and turning blue, is it an OK time to grab her boob and run?"
full permission granted xD
that's horrible.
man...when I go back to school and we have one of those "Don't have sex, You'll die" things.... I guess I should stand up and ask the last the questions...I think I would get kicked out.
Love the poem.
*zaps you with my ray gun*
:D I will rule Jupiter!! I am superior! >:]
And greetings from Canada. o(n___n)b
sup@@
Safety is for pussies.
reeeeeplying to your comment. I'm from the United States (ew? right.) But more specifically, Alaska. Which is completely seporate (geographically) from the USA, so thats a plus. Its too urbanized here (in the biggest city in Alaska), but its just a short drive to the woods/mountans/oceans/rivers/lakes. So I guess I have the best of both worlds!?
Phew.
hi thanks for dropping by my blog. (: and yes. i really really like pink! omg. you got to interview MiG! haha. he's so hot. omg. i like your site because it's pink.
by the way, are you the guy from ronin? :D
xoxo.
Update!!!! I've run out of things to laugh at and I am tired of laughing at random people on the street.....
kaythanxBAi! xD
haha...your posts are always hilarious
Hahahaha, I fucking love the poem of the stapler.
well well... if it isnt levan wee.
dude! I love your hair! I and i think your'e awesome.
Hate the pink in your sight though... god... my eyes.
And babies were born to create tolerance, just like girl scouts who sell stale cookies. =p